No One Is Versatile
by connerbailey
Summary: "We're supposed to laugh at him being versatile because he's, you know, gay - but it's just pointless line trying to... I don't even know what they're trying to do. Being versatile is a myth, everyone has preferences."


**Had to take a few breaks during studying sessions and this little gem wouldn't leave my mind so I had to write it hoping it'd stop nagging me. Deals with top/bottom!Kurt issue and his healing process in a new relationship.**

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><p>Kurt was lying on the couch, his head on Adam's lap as they watched a movie. Kurt cringed a few times at terrible moments but overall it was really good and he was happy to spend his afternoon lazily and being all over his boyfriend. He gasped at one of the scenes and frowned.<p>

"This is stupid."

"What is, love?" Adam looked down at him with a gentle smile.

"We're supposed to laugh at him being versatile because he's, you know, gay - but it's just pointless line trying to... I don't even know what they're trying to do. Being versatile is a myth, everyone has preferences." Kurt grabbed a handful of popcorn and stuffed some in his mouth.

"I'm versatile. You're versatile out of the bedroom a lot. It's not a myth." Adam chuckled and stroke Kurt's hair. "It maybe rare, though. Never checked."

"It's stupid." Kurt grabbed the remote and paused the movie. "Are you saying you'd want to...?"

"No, I'm saying I've enjoyed both when I tried," Adam explained and rubbed Kurt's chest. "I'm not saying I want to do it with you, or I need to, or whatever. I'm saying I've enjoyed both similarly so it's possible to be versatile."

"I hated topping," Kurt murmured and sat up.

"Uh-huh, what's that?" Adam cocked his head to the side and reached to him. "You don't have to get angry, love, I'd never force you to do anything you dislike."

"I know. I just... I tried once. I wanted to, Blaine wanted to, and we just tried. But I hated it so much." He shook his head and leaned back on the couch.

"It's okay, Kurt. We all have preferences about things we like and dislike and yours happened to be in the bed. No big deal, no reason to despair," Adam said.

"But what if you want to...?" Kurt bit his lip and looked at Adam.

"I won't. I know you don't want it and I wouldn't enjoy something you'd hate, honey."

"How do you know you won't miss it?"

"I don't miss it now. It's not really an important detail, Kurt. I don't mind it, at all," Adam said surely and kissed Kurt's shoulder. "You can stop stressing, love. We're okay and we'll be okay."

"It's just," Kurt huffed and leaned against Adam's chest. "It's just so difficult to think you'd give up something for me. It's pretty big and..."

"It's not," Adam interrupted him and shook his head. "I don't think you really understand how unimportant it is for me when it comes to you. Sex isn't everything and I don't value it more than I value you."

Kurt bit his lip and sighed softly. "How is this not important for you? I mean; if you enjoy both, wouldn't you be rather with someone who can give you both?"

"I'd rather be with a man who I love," Adam replied surely and kissed the top of Kurt's head. "Don't ever doubt it. You're more important to me than anything physical that may or may not happen simply because we have different preferences."

Kurt smiled and looked up at Adam with shiny eyes. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I have doubts sometimes. You don't deserve that, just..."

"You have history. It's okay, I know that. I knew from the beginning. I'm not offended."

Kurt sighed happily and relaxed. He closed his eyes and hummed, making Kurt chuckle at the showtune he chose.

"So you're feeling better now?" Adam asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm good, thank you." Kurt whispered and smiled.

"I'm glad, love."

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><p>"I want to try," Kurt blurted out one day when he and Adam were preparing lunch. He then got busy with cutting tomatoes so he could avoid looking at Adam.<p>

"Try what? You have a pretty full bucketlist, I need a heads up which one are we doing." Adam chuckled and stirred the food.

"Not bucketlist. I want to try topping."

Adam stopped what he was doing and looked at Kurt seriously. He cocked his head to the side like he usually did when surprised and put the knife he was using down. "Do you really want that, or are you just saying this because you know I enjoy bottoming?" he asked simply.

Kurt bit his lip and sighed. "It's complicated. Obviously, I wouldn't want to try if you didn't like it, but then I just thought... My relationship with Blaine was so different from what we have. Some of the things we do together used to be a nightmare with him. Maybe this will be different, too."

Adam nodded and dried his hands, reaching for Kurt and pulling him closer. "I love you, Kurt, I don't want you to try anything you don't want."

"I know." Kurt smiled and nodded, looking up at Adam. "I know and I appreciate it. But I really want to give it a try so that if I don't like it, I know and don't have to wonder if maybe it was just a bad relationship and not bad intimacy."

"Okay," Adam nodded and kissed the top of Kurt's head. "We will try."

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><p>Kurt bit his lip as he lit the candle on the dresser. They were going to try. He and Adam were going to try a new thing. He had never felt as nervous as now. And for a change, he didn't have his pre-sex body cleaning routine to distract him. And the feeling was so was usually nervous in an excited, bubbly way. But now he was dreading the evening and he was already thinking about all the ways it could go wrong. Adam promised to come prepared so it would be less stressful for their first time and yes, that was a soothing thought, but still not enough to make Kurt stop shaking.<p>

There was a knock on the door and Kurt put down the lighter and went to open.

"Hey." He smiled at Adam and went to hug him immediately, not even making a comment about his boyfriend being cold from the weather outside.

"Hey, love." Adam kissed him gently and looked at him closely after stepping away. "Are you okay? You seem shaken."

"I'm okay, come in. It's cold there." Kurt closed the door behind them and took a deep breath. He was fine, he was going to be fine, Adam would never hurt him. He waited while Adam took off his coat and put it on the hanger before stepping back in his direction. "Do you want some tea? You're freezing."

Adam hummed and stepped close to Kurt, pulling him into his arms. "I could think of other ways to warm up," Adam whispered in his ear.

Kurt bit his lip and climbed to his toes, kissing Adam. It wasn't the most heated of kisses they had shared, but it was enough to put him where he wanted him. Kurt reached to Adam's t-shirt and pulled it up, taking it off and throwing it to the side.

"My thoughts exactly," Adam whispered and kissed Kurt's neck, making him whimper and paw at his boyfriend's pants,a movement that only suggested, at best, what he wanted as it had no chance to actually unzip Adam's pants that way.

"Come on." Kurt grabbed Adam's hand and pulled him to the bedroom. Not thinking was the easiest way to get through the anxiety that was caused by what was coming.

"I'm coming," Adam joked and went after Kurt.

Kurt glared at him playfully and pushed him to the bed, climbing on his lap and rutting his hips against Adam's. He then reached to his zipper and opened it, letting his blue boxers show as he leaned over and kissed Adam again.

"We don't have to..." he was reminded and he shook his head.

"I want to," Kurt whispered, as he had several times in the past few days, before unzipping Adam's pants and pullingthem down enough so they could be kicked off the rest of the way. He kissed Adam again, not letting him speak anymore. They slowly undressed each other, not really caring about clothes much and throwing them to the side. When they were left in their underwear, Kurt looked up and down Adam's body and took off Adam's boxers. He slowly reached to Adam's thighs and stroked them before moving his hand higher. He swallowed heavily when he met the unfamiliar feeling of a plug but it was followed by a smile. "You did..."

"I promised you I would, love," Adam whispered and kissed him.

When they had discussed details about their evening, Kurt had admitted he wasn't sure if he was ready to take care of any preparation. Adam had promised to use the cleaning routine similar to Kurt's, but that hadn't reassured Kurt enough. Adam had then promised to prep himself. If everything went well, they were going to have all the time in the world to experience the foreplay that included prepping Adam. For now, Kurt wasn't ready and was relieved when he wasn't judged for it.

Kurt bit his lip and reached to the base of the plug. He pulled it out slowly, looking at Adam the whole time to make sure he wasn't hurting him. He threw it to the side and leaned in to kiss Adam, rocking their hips together the same time.

Adam groaned lowly and grabbed Kurt's hips. "Come on, love." he encouraged softly and Kurt smiled nervously and positioned himself.

"Tell me if it hurts? I can stop any minute." Kurt whispered and pushed his hips, letting go of his cock with a hand.

Adam closed his eyes and bit his lip. He pushed his hips up, clearly not minding the pressure. Kurt closed his eyes too and pushed in further until their hips met. He didn't open his eyes and breathed slowly.

"Love?" Adam touched his cheek and looked at him carefully.

"I'm okay, give me a second."

He wasn't okay, it was a lie. But he wanted to be, more than anything. Because it would make Adam happy and it could make their relationship better, more versatile, and he was ready to give up on his own comfort to make it happen. It felt wrong, it felt strange and not pleasant at all. Kurt thought about every single thing that could go wrong. He thought of the mess that it was going to make and the mess that could still, potentially, happen. His breath hitched as he rolled his hips experimentally. But it didn't help. The heat around his dick didn't feel good, it wasn't something he wanted. He trust forward and groaned but it wasn't a happy sound.

Adam bit his lip and looked at Kurt carefully. His tense shoulders, his scrunched face and his unnatural movements screamed discomfort. "Kurt, no," he said quietly and touched Kurt's shoulder. "Come on, love. Move out."

"No, I can..." Kurt shook his head and tried again, feeling the lump in his throat rise.

"No, you can't. You don't want to and you can't, come on. Pull out." Adam guided him gently, pushing on his shoulders.

Kurt breathed in heavily and moved his hips, letting his cock pop out before he collapsed on the bed on Adam's side and curled in on himself, clutching the the covers.

"I'm so sorry, I... I thought I could but I just don't feel... It doesn't feel good, it feels bad. I can try again, I promise, I just need more time, I need something..." he babbled with his eyes still closed, his breath hitched as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"No, no no no, come on." Adam sat up and stroked Kurt back, giving him a second before pulling him on his lap.

"You don't need more time. You don't want it, simple as that. It's fine, we won't try again," he said in a calm, soothing voice. It should have been awkward, but they were them and they didn't do awkward. Even with this failed attempt of sex there was no room for hiding or keeping their feelings inside and hurting when the other was right there to comfort and help.

"I just wanted to be more for you, I want to be better and you deserve better, I should be better." Kurt finally broke down and his body shook against Adam's chest as he let himself cry.

"You're enough for me. You're always going to be enough, you don't have to try harder, you don't have to be anything but you. You're okay, we're okay," Adam whispered in a soothing voice, holding Kurt steadily and letting him calm down.

Kurt kept clutching to his arms until his breath slowly came back to normal and he relaxed slowly. "I'm sorry..." he whispered and looked at Adam, blushing. He was ashamed, his reaction wasn't accurate at all. He had panicked because he tried to put his dick in his boyfriend's ass, what was that even? He groaned and buried his face in Adam's chest.

"Don't be sorry." Adam whispered and carded his fingers through Kurt's hair.

"I don't know why I feel this bad about it," Kurt murmured.

"Because you have a preference and you just don't enjoy something that goes completely against that. It's a natural and understandable response. There is no reason for you to be ashamed. The fact that you didn't like it wasn't anything bad."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"A little," Adam answered seriously.

Kurt bit his lip and shuddered slightly. There it was.

"I'm mad because you lied to me. You shouldn't have done that. But mad isn't the right word. I'm just worried it'll happen again and you'll end up hurt."

"It's just... I wanted to be better for you," Kurt explained quietly, not looking at Adam. "I always want to be better. You deserve the best."

"I have the best. I have you and that's all I want, love."

Kurt nodded slowly and hugged Adam awkwardly. "Is it okay if we don't do it again, please?" he asked in a small voice.

"Of course, love. Of course." Adam kissed the top of his head and held him close until Kurt, inevitably, fell asleep. He put Kurt down on a pillow, bringing an extra blanket to make sure he was warm. Adam then went to the shower but didn't close the door in case Kurt woke up and needed something.

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><p>Adam woke up in the middle of the night and looked around. Kurt's side of the bed was empty and cold. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Kurt, honey?" he called out and stood up, putting on his underwear. He went to Kurt's usual spots. Kurt was nowhere to be seen and it made him worry until he noticed the window in Santana's bedroom was open. He winced and grabbed a blanket before going there slowly. Climbing out through the window wasn't an easy task for Kurt,and even less for Adam who was bigger, but he managed without breaking his neck and found Kurt sitting on the stairs with a mug in his hands, fully dressed and staring at the night life.<p>

"Hey, there." Adam said quietly, not to startle him.

"Hey." Kurt looked up and smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't, it's okay."

"I just needed a minute to think about yesterday..."

Adam nodded and sat down, covering them both with a blanket and ignoring the cold that felt like a danger to his butt. "You know I'm not mad, right?"

"Yeah, I do. It's not that. I know we're fine. It's that fact that made me want to think."

Adam raised his eyebrows and wrapped his arms around Kurt's shoulder, hugging him close. "Why?"

"Because the only relationship I've ever had was fucked up. It was so bad by the time I broke it off, I felt broken myself. And you're like an angel. To me. You treat me well, you always care, you never judge me and you just know when something's up. I don't know how you do it. And I'm scared I'm not doing good enough back."

Adam sighed and held him closer, his thumb stroking Kurt's shoulder. "It's not a competition. And it's not a paid service. We're both doing our best and I know you have history. I have mine, too. No one comes into a new relationship and ditches their whole experience. It just doesn't happen. It's impossible to forget. But you can try. And that's what we're doing. And you're good enough. Would I wish I could change some things? Maybe. But not for me, for you. I wish you wouldn't stretch yourself so hard and took better care of yourself. But I know you're just you and you have to help others because it's in your nature. It's why I love you."

"So would you change me or wouldn't you?" Kurt asked curiously and bit his lip, looking up at Adam.

"I wouldn't change you. I'd make the week last longer." Adam smiled and kissed Kurt's temple. "You could stay you and still have more time for self care."

Kurt chuckled and nodded. He was tired a lot and sometimes he felt overwhelmed and close to bursting but then when good work paid off it felt right. "I thought about dropping the diner. Since pays now, I could try to do it, maybe look for more roommates, maybe just get rid of this place completely..."

"New roommates?" Adam raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"Yeah, we'd need to rearrange the place but I really don't think it's a big stretch. I love the loft and I'd like to try that first."

"You can figure it out through winter break."

"I will. And you should think about moving in," Kurt said lightly and sipped his tea. Adam furrowed his eyebrows.

"You mean that?" he asked carefully.

"I mean, if you want to? We've been together for almost a year, Santana's cool with it, she thinks about Dani moving in, too. It'd be crowded so you really have to think about it. But I want to live with you. I love being with you and I don't think moving in is going to change that at all."

Adam nodded and leaned against the wall, pulling Kurt closer to his chest and closing his eyes. "I'll think about it," he promised.

"That's all I ask for."

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><p>"Hey, love?"<p>

"Hmmmm?"

"I'm glad I have you." Adam whispered and kissed Kurt sweetly before they fell asleep together, limbs tangled and the bed messy after their long, passionate evening that was going to leave Kurt sore in the morning but definitely worth it.


End file.
